18. Stand By Me (Rob Reiner, 1986)

I was one of those kids that always seemed to grow up a little too fast. As a result, I quickly outgrew the literature that was deemed acceptable for me and at a rather precocious age become totally fascinated with the books of Stephen King. So I used to make trips to our local library, until one of the employees there actually forbade me to take them out, as he was of the opinion I was too young to be reading such decidedly adult material. It was the first (it obviously wouldn't be the last) time I became aware of how, instead of fostering encouragement, most of our society instead wants to control everything and desperately tries to keep everyone in what they perceive to be their proper place. By clinging to such narrow and general notions instead of recognizing the unique place everyone takes in this world and treat people according to that, society also prohibits people from truly flowering – or at least does it try its damnedest to do so. Luckily my little tale had a happy ending, because after I ran home in tears to my mother, she came down to sort it out with the librarian, after which he never gave me any trouble anymore and I was free to develop myself in my own way and tempo. But you could say this whole episode marked the moment I came of age as I'll never forget the horror I felt at this petty attempt at control.

I don't think I ever read the Stephen King novella on which 'Stand By Me' was based, but I wouldn't have understood its deeper meanings anyway back then, probably feeling somewhat cheated as it didn't live up to my taste for horror and bloodshed. In fact, I very likely would have thought it a peculiar change of pace for a writer whose name, for me, was synonymous with the horror genre and I wouldn't really be surprised if this was still the general assumption held by most people. With the writer being a rather obvious substitute for King himself, the whole film does play with this idea even, as in the moment when young Gordie relates the story of Lardass to his pals. The fat kid complains he doesn't want to hear any of his horror stories, so the story told is one that is consciously announced as being something other than a horror story. Yet, as the tale develops, it becomes painfully clear it is one of the most horrific stories King has ever committed to paper (or to celluloid) and coming as it does at the very heart of the movie, it obviously serves as much more than just a story that's told. In a brilliant parody of the fifties it lays bare all the horror of society, and because it focuses on real horrors instead of merely fantastic creatures and such, one could argue it's far more terrifying than the stories King usually churns out. On the surface, the parable about the pie eating contest and the revenge of Lardass is all stereotypical fifties friendliness and cheer, all done in those pastel colors that are completely absent in the rest of the film. Yet, as soon becomes clear, all those smiling faces only hide all the pettiness, hypocrisy, oppressiveness and taste for revenge that society is really made of: the humiliation of Lardass (with even a woman who's just as obese screaming his awful nickname at the top of her lungs) is incredibly painful to watch, as is the revenge through excessive vomiting that ensues – with the whole scene being one of the most horrible moments in movie history. It's of course 'Carrie' all over again, only this time thinly veiled as low comedy.

The scene also illustrates the difference between myth and reality that runs through the entire movie as a structuring principle, with the mythical image of the fifties being ruthlessly punctured by its dysfunctional reality. This gap between myth and reality is specifically mentioned when the boys are chased by the supposedly dangerous dog Chopper, who turns out to be nothing more than just a regular watch dog and Gordie says it's the first time he became aware of the difference. But the theme also surfaces in the difference between surface appearance and what people really are underneath that surface and the ensuing difficulty of breaking loose from it. The kids are constantly referred to not by who they are, but in relation to their family or background. This gets its most poignant expression in the moment when Chris tells the story of his stealing the milk money from school for which he was blamed. The irony is of course, that he did steal the money, only later to regret it and try to give it back, but was more or less made a convenient scapegoat by the woman who accused him in the first place and who ended up with the money, while blaming Chris. So, when people accused him of being of thief (like Gordie's father who instantly brands Chris as one, without even knowing any of the facts), they were right and wrong at the same time and in essence Chris was being branded merely by his family background. As always people are only judging by appearance, probably because myths and surface are much easier to work with than reality, which has the rather annoying tendency to be much more complex.

Crucially, the episode of Lardass is also the only one in the entire movie that's concerned with the communal activities of adult Western society and as such it becomes highly significant. The trip of the four young boys through the wilderness obviously serves as something of a rite of passage, quite similar for instance to the tradition of the Walkabout of the Australian aboriginals, where a young adolescent is sent into the wilderness to mature on an emotional and spiritual level. There is one significant difference though: the Walkabout is always done alone, as it’s all about learning to fence for yourself without the help of others, so that later someone can be of more help to other people. The four boys of 'Stand By Me' are not alone of course, which would prohibit any form of true soul initiation, but that doesn't seem to be the purpose of the trip. What the journey of the boys on their own away from society is all about, then, is quite explicitly the bonding and building of the feeling of togetherness, and one that is not based on the competition and petty revenge of the adult society, but on mutual respect, love and friendship instead. Broadly speaking there are three generations presented in this picture: the young boys, their older brothers and the adults. As we have already seen, the adults openly participate in highly degrading activities like the pie eating contest in the Lardass story and the parents of the young boys who rule by oppression, which makes the entire generation built on violence and revenge. This holds also true of the older brothers, who are only seen engaging in criminal and violent acts, ranging from the trashing of mailboxes to even murder. The only one of the three generations that's exempt from true violence and oppression (there is some peer pressure, but that's still of the innocent and playful variety) is that of the young boys, with every older generation being progressively more violent and oppressive. This raises the rather subversive possibility that we are somehow doing quite alright, until the moment that society 'gets' us. In many ways this is impossible to deny, as every child is born from the Mysteries and therefore still has close ties to it, but that grow only weaker when we 'grow up'. One could compare it with a dream: when one awakens the dream is often still fresh and vivid, but this lasts only for a few moments as the dream imagery will quickly fade back where it came from. And what are dreams other than our direct contact with the spirit world, with those invisible forces that are all around us, whether we like it or not? Dreams are really only the memories of that mystical world that every child is born from and that modern Western society so emphatically tries to repress. They are our everyday reminder of the innocence that's still in every one of us, even though we are conditioned to neglect it.

The tagline of the film “For some, it's the last real taste of innocence, and the first real taste of life. But for everyone, it's the time that memories are made of”, clearly positions 'Stand By Me' as a coming of age drama, with the difference between myth and reality being reworked as the difference between the innocence of childhood and the responsibility of adults. This is in any case exactly how virtually all of Western civilization regards the process of growing up and seen through this lens, the entire movie might not be anything more than just a throwback to some idyllic childhood memories, right before the children have to ‘grow up’ and take their 'proper' place in society. But the film goes much deeper than that, as it strongly suggests that society is the biggest myth of them all. It's not so much the process of coming to age itself the movie so amazingly analyses, but what people are coming of age to. Growing up is a wonderful and wondrous thing, but only if there is something at the end of the rainbow to go to. And, as the parable of Lardass already made clear, the only thing that lies in store in the way our current society has been organized is taking part in degrading leisure activities like pie eating, with everybody cheering like idiots and concerned with getting even. Not a very enticing prospect to be sure.

According to Bill Plotkin, the main cause of the disarray modern society finds himself in, is that most people don't truly mature past the adolescent stage. Now since willful blindness is the modus operandi of our society, this idea tends to be vehemently denied by most, but it's hard to really argue against it, as the pie eating contest makes abundantly clear. As most people don't truly mature emotionally and spiritually (as described here in context of My Dinner With Andre), they are left with a certain psychological lack, and instead of trying to fill this hole themselves, they tend to use their children in a desperate attempt to make themselves more complete. The result of this is that the children are as much dependent on their parents (as is normal), as the parents in turn need their children to fill that gaping hole in themselves, as they never quite got around to fixing it. It's not that hard to see how this puts an unbearable strain on the development of these children, as parents don't give them the necessary freedom to flower according to the child's own configuration, but force them to behave and develop in certain ways that are first and foremost suited to fill the parents' psychological needs. With this, one has of course described the classical pattern of trauma, as trauma is always continued from one generation to the next. So, when a person has been emotionally neglected by his parents and has never fully addressed this problem, he or she will very likely perpetuate this pattern by also neglecting his or her children (or possibly doing the exact opposite and smother them with love, which can obviously lead to other but similar problems), who eventually will also do the same with their children. And this pattern will continue indefinitely, with each generation passing down the original trauma along the line.

This historical trauma that's unconsciously handed down from generation to generation is already mentioned at the very beginning of 'Stand By Me' when Gordie describes his friends: the already mentioned Chris has a father that's no good, so everyone, including himself, knows that Chris will end up the same way; Teddy's father turns out to be a World war II veteran who 'stormed the beach at Normandy' and has since become a 'loony'. The situation with Chris' father is never fully explained, although it very likely is 'just' a case of the kind of parental neglect I've just described. The war trauma Teddy's father suffers from has been instilled in his son too, as he is always seen wearing a dog tag and is obsessed with the army and war, even at the tender age of 12. So what we've got here are two different cases of trauma, one that could be considered personal (the bad father) and the other cultural (the war veteran) and society tends to distinguish between these two, treating them as if personal and cultural problems are somehow unrelated to each other. But to its enormous credit 'Stand By Me' strongly suggests they are, like everything else in this world, unconditionally connected. Whatever the cause the, trauma is trauma and it will inevitably affect both personal lives and society as whole, as even the more sensible upbringing of Gordie makes clear.

Because even though his family is not as evidently dysfunctional as those of Chris or Teddy, this is only true on the surface, as Gordie’s father illustrates. His allegiance seems to have been only with Gordie's older brother, the classic stereotype of the star quarterback whose qualities as a football player serve not so much for the son's own good, but more to fulfill the dreams of the father who more or less wants to live his own life through his son. Because the father clearly needs the son to fill in for his own psychological needs, he is also blinded by the little fact he also has another son, with his own needs and ambitions. So when the older brother tries to focus the attention of his parents to the writing of his little brother, this is rudely ignored by the father, who is only afraid it will ruin his concentration and therefore his chances in sports. Consequently, when the brother dies at a young age, the love for Gordie seemed to have died with it, as the father can't see him for who he really is, but only as someone who’s not his older brother. 'Stand By Me' ironically illustrates that modern Western society is structured in such a way it has inherited only the negative aspects of family or communal life, without any of its advantages: the young boys are constantly defined by other people only in relation to their background and are also dragged down by their dysfunctional families. Yet, there are none of the usual advantages that traditional earth-based indigenous cultures gain from living together, such as a true feeling of belonging, sharing and an encouragement towards true flowering based on one's particular strengths and weaknesses. This is of course why there's a crucial difference between the wilderness journey of the boys and similar indigenous traditions like the Australian Walkabout: the latter come from a true community and can also return to it, while their Western counterparts can only form a real sense of community by escaping society. It's a frightening situation where the process of growing up is not really growing up, but just growing older and where true adulthood is not measured in spiritual maturation but only by accepting more responsibility, doing one's 'duty' and taking the designated place in the system. 

With only highly dubious role models around them (the one difference is Gordie's older brother, the star quarterback, who is the only one outside their age bracket who is kind and supporting, which could either mean all is not lost in this world or could perhaps be seen as something like an idealization on the part of Gordie), it's up to the boys themselves to create their own viable alternative in close proximity to nature. There is the somewhat mysterious moment when Gordie has an encounter with a deer, something that's strongly emphasized without ever explaining its importance and which could be interpreted as flirting with the idea of strong feeling of interconnectedness with all living beings that close contact with nature usually encourages. Many believe the loneliness and disconnected way of life is a direct result of modern city life, and that by reconnecting with nature we can not only connect with ourselves again but also with our fellow human beings. Although this idea is never fully developed in any way, the fact that some importance to the encounter with the deer is given, is does suggest it subtly flirts with it. However we may want to chose to interpret this brief moment, what is made abundantly clear, is that the four boys, hovering on the brink of adulthood, posses much more compassion and even wisdom than any of the adults. Chris in particular, despite his troubled background, is presented as having all the wisdom of a sage, exactly because he has not yet fallen prey to society and can still cut through the surface. At one point, he has a deep conversation with Gordie and even expresses the wish he could have been his father. Gordie's friends are the only ones who seem to recognize his talent for writing and telling stories and Chris encourages him to truly develop this gift. Even though Gordie's talent in seeing things for what they are have been made clear by his Lardass story, he is already starting to internalize the doubts and lack of support he is getting from his parents and it is subtly suggested Gordie perhaps never would have pursued his ambitions, had it not been for Chris' encouragement at that pivotal moment in his life. It's a breathtaking scene that recognizes the need for a true community and support, in order for any sensible kind of upbringing. That not all kids that age are as wise and insightful is also made clear by the discussion Teddy and Vern are having about whether Mighty Mouse can kick Superman's ass. It's the beauty of that age in a nutshell, as it can combine innocence and playfulness with wisdom.

The moment the boys return from their adventure, the voice-over remarks how the town somehow never looked the same as before, how it seemed smaller – clearly indicating the growth and maturing they have accomplished. Yet, the moment they return to society, it's fragmented structure immediately takes over, as two of the four boys are never seen again. 'You know how it goes', Gordie says in his voice-over and their close bonding with each other vanishes almost at once. Of course, people do lose sight of each other and relationships will come and go, which is only natural. But the feeling of belonging and being together should stay in our lives always, not just in idyllic childhood. He will always treasure the memories of those times, adult Gordie writes at the ending of the film. But as the title 'Stand By Me' also forcefully points to, he mourns much more than just the loss of a friend,  a childhood period without too much responsibility or the passing of time in general, as he will always remember the sense of belonging and togetherness that adult life as we now know it could never have. Our society considers the togetherness and close bonding of childhood a myth, something that's unsustainable by the realities of adult life. But this is an illusion: the fragmented structure of adult society itself is the myth and the interconnectedness of youth should be the reality, as it has been for millions of years of human existence, when people were living in close contact with the earth and each other. Several so-called 'primitive' societies still live this way at the very edges of our Industrial societies and many believe we should look to their ways of life as models for a more sustaining society, one that does honor the earth and its people instead of habitually destroying it. And while there's undeniably much to be learned from looking back to those cultures, to its great credit, 'Stand By Me' suggests we needn't even look that far, as all that wisdom is still present in our own children before they are contaminated by society. Until the moment these children have internalized all the conditioning we force onto them, they are in fact able to form relationships that are based on caring and playfulness, seeing each other for what they really are instead of just where they come from or who their parent is. And here lies the ultimate paradox of the tagline: the moment we get our first taste of real life, we lose our innocence and become confused. In early adolescence, as we come to look at all the things that we have been taught through our own eyes, we suddenly become aware of the difference between myth and reality and suddenly realize how things can turn out quite different than we were taught. But this coming of age period, when we are poised on the threshold between innocence and conditioning is but a very brief moment and it's only at this time we are able to see life clearly. We move from the sheltered myth of childhood to the harsh reality of experience, but unfortunately we also immediately move back again from the reality of experience to the myth of modern Western society. How easy it is to start confusing myth and reality again can be gleaned at the ending of the film, when Gordie's two children storm in and they complain how he is always so distracted when writing. This could indicate of course Gordie has internalized his own fathers lack of interest so much, that he has become unaware of it, even though he has just so incisively told the story we have been watching. It's not just the memory of that age that should stand by us, as memories are nothing but nostalgia. It’s primarily also the feelings and insights that we should never forget. 

Stand by Me (25th Anniversary Edition) [Blu-ray]